Chasing Cars
by simple41
Summary: Mark's little sister, Leah, leaves home in Scarsdale to live with her brother due to problems at home. Leah's dark past leads to problems with a grieving Roger. Some swearing, suicide.Updatingrevising.
1. DisclaimerIntro

**Stuff** –

First story, just so you know. Now, I'm looking for any advice/reviews/criticism, so no need to be gentle.

I do not own anything, 'cept Leah.

Reading is good, reviewing is great.

**10.04.06:**

Alright guys, I'm really sorry for this, but I finished this story. It kinda just... ends. I'm planning on deleting it and organizing it better and writing more to it. I'm really sorry, I should have done that before I posted it. Keep an eye out for it. Thank you all for all you kind feedback, I really appreciate everything. Hopefully when I re-write it I can make you all happy with it.**  
**

**9.29.06:**

Sorry for changing this like everyday.

Just some changes above. Chapter/Random addition 5 is up.

**9.28.06**:

I bumped it up to an M rating just because of this that I'm going to write.

Oh, and … thank you all for your reviews and very, very kind words!


	2. Chapter 1

"So why don't you jut go kill yourself then!"

"Maybe I will!"

Leah slammed her bedroom door and frantically flipped through the numbers in her phone.

"Send," she said as she pressed the send button.

On the other end of the phone a, "Speeeeek!" was heard.

Crying, she left a message, "Mark, I know you're these, please, pick up the phone. I can't take it anymore. Mom is driving me insane. Please, pick up…"

"Hello?"

"Mark?"

"No, this is Roger, Mark isn't here right now… Who is this?"

"It's Leah, his sister… when is he coming back?"

"I don't know, I'll tell him you called."

"No, I can't wait, I need to get out of here… right now."

"Okay… What do you want me to do?"

"Just tell Mark to go to the bus depot as soon as he gets home… please."

"Okay, I will."

"Thanks… bye."

"Bye."

She started packing as soon as she got off the phone. Only the necessities, clothing, a pillow, a little good for the trip, money, AZT… Then she snuck out of the house and went to the bus depot in Scarsdale.


	3. Chapter 2

Leah got to the city around 12am. Mark wasn't there. She had no idea where to go. The last time she was at Mark's house was when she turned 13, her mother kicked her out of the house for a month then called the cops and told them Mark had kidnapped her.

She looked around and no one else was there, except some guy sitting on a bench, with a guitar and long hair. She went and sat on an opposite bench. He was starring at her. When she sat, he got up and walked toward her. She got scared. The Last time this happened… she got sick, very sick.

"Leah?"

"…who are you?" She started to get very nervous.

"Hey, it's me, Roger."

"Roger?"

"Yeah, remember me?"

"Where's Mark?"

"I don't know, he hadn't come home yet and I thought I'd come and walk you to the house, I guess."

"Oh… okay… thanks."

She stood up and they started walked. She was still a little weary of Roger.

It wasn't a very long walk, they were at the apartment within a half an hour. When they got there, Mark was home. Leah was a little bit more comfortable with Roger by then.

"Boo!" Leah screamed when she saw Mark.

"Oh my God! Leah? What are you doing here?"

She ran over to him and threw her arms around him.

"Mom…"

"She didn't kick you out again, did she?"

"No… I left. Please don't make me go back… please." She almost started to cry.

"Hey… no, why would I do that?" He smirked, "Come on, it's late… um… you can sleep on the couch. Let me go get you one of my--"

"No, she can sleep in my bed, I'll sleep on the couch," Roger said, spooking the both of them because they had forgotten he was there, since he was being eerily quiet.

"That's okay, really, I like sleeping on couches." It was apparent that Leah was still frightened by Roger.

Mark left to get the pillows and covers, when he returned Roger wasn't in the room.

"Where'd he go?"

"I don't know…. He just took his guitar and left. Is he okay?"

"Yeah… Do you remember Mimi?" Leah shrugged in an "I-don't-know" way. "Well, she was his 'significant other', she died a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh… wow… um…"

"He hasn't been the same, and I can't really blame him, ya know?"

"Yeah… is he going to be okay, like, alone?"

"I guess, he does it all the time, he goes out to the roof to just sit there and play his guitar. He doesn't make that much noise… so, you know what? You should go to sleep, it's late."

"Okay, mom."

"Shut up. Do you want to go back home?" When he said this, he was going for a joking way, but Leah didn't take it like that.

"Please don't… I'll do anything… I hate it there, you don't know what it's like, you got out…" She sat down on the couch. "She's insane, all she cares about is Cindy and her 'beautiful' grandchildren, it's like I'm not even alive… and when she does recognize mean, it's to criticize me… or hurt me." She was crying.

"Hey, it's okay… I wouldn't do that to you, I'm sorry. You don't have to cry, hey, it's okay." He held her as she cried, which seemed to never stop. "What happened that's making you this way? I've never seen you like this before…"

At this point Roger had come back inside.

"Nothing, I don't want to talk about it." Leah wiped her eyes and sat up straight, noticing that he had come back in. Mark turned around and saw that Roger was there.

"Okay, you get some sleep." He stood up. "I'll see you both in the morning."

Roger said nothing and just walked to his bed.


	4. Chapter 3

Leah lay down and she fell asleep fast. She tossed and turned in her sleep.

She was awoken by Roger.

"Leah, Leah, wake up. C'mon wake up." She jolted awake. Roger was sitting next to her on the couch, crouching over her, shaking her awake. "Are you okay?"

"What the hell are you doing? Get off me!" She started freaking out at Roger. She pulled away, got up and starting backing away.

"What's wrong? You were screaming in your sleep, you kicked me in the stomach. What's wrong with you?" He got up and tried to get her to settle down.

"Leave me alone, please, don't touch me." She was backed into the wall. He grabbed her to stop her from hurting herself.

"Shh, it's okay." She started punching him.

"Get off me! Leave me alone! Please…" She was crying, yet so angry.

Mark walked in.

"Okay, what the hell are you two doing!" This frightened Roger and he let go of Leah. She ran to Mark and hugged him, crying into his chest.

"She was screaming… and kicking… and freaking out… while she was sleeping." Roger said, trying to explain himself.

"Are you okay?" Mark said pulling Leah off of him.

"Yeah… Just really scared… I don't know why… I'm so fucked up."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm really messed up." She started to walk away toward the fire excape. Her hysterical crying had subsided unusually quick.

"You are not, stop it." Mark said, somewhat following her. He stopped by the couch putting his camera and bag down. Leag was stukk making her way toward the fire escape, very slowly, yet she was almost there. Roger was just standing in the room stunned by everything happening.

Leah finally made it out to the fire escape and she stood on the railing. Mark hadn't been paying any attention.

"Uh, Mark?" Roger motioned out the window. Mark looked over to see Leah pulling a Titanic move of the streets over Avenue A.

"What the fuck!" Mark ran over to the window and pulled her inside. "What the fuck are you doing? Are you insane?"

"Sometimes."

"What is wrong with you?"

"Everything… yeah that about sums it up. You have no idea what has been going on in my life, Boo, nothing. Did you know I'm taking this," she pulled a prescription bottle out of her pocket, "now? Yeah, I bet mom didn't tell you that one. Or maybe she tried but you never answered the fucking phone. Yes, you're baby sister has AIDS. And as soon as this is gone, I'm done, I give up, Boo. I can't stand it anymore, I'm done." Mark just looked at his sister, stunned, along with Roger. How could his little, baby sister have AIDS, how could his little Lili have AIDS? And why? AIDS had destroyed so many of his friends' lives and his own life, how could this possibly be happening right now?

"Uh… um… I--" He reached for her but she pulled away.

"Forget it, it doesn't matter." She ran out the door and to the roof.


	5. Chapter 4

"Uh, you're just going to let her go?"

"Yeah… she'll be fine… I hope… she used to do this all the time… You can go check on her if you want." Mark said leaving the room.

"Right… me…"

An hour or so passed and Leah still wasn't back in the loft. Roger finally got the strength, or rather courage, to go look for her. He headed up to the roof. He found her sitting dangerously close to the edge.

"Hey… um…" He said quietly trying not to frighten her.

"Hey." Leah said not surprised or startled by his voice.

"Maybe you should get off of that ledge."

"I'm surprised anyone came up here, I thought Mark would've tried to stop you."

"Yeah… seriously though, that's kinda dangerous." He started walking toward her. He moved closer, as he did, she moved farther down the ledge. She seemed to be nervous about him getting too close. Finally he stopped, about fifteen feet away.

"Last time I was up here… wow… six years ago… I was up here all night, it got too cold before I had to come back down." She turned around to look at him. "Do you seriously think I'm going to jump?"

"Well, you are sitting on the ledge of a very high building, after almost jumping out of a fire escape… well… yes."

"Maybe I like heights, I'm crazy but not that crazy… I wouldn't want to go like that anyway… not very reliable, plus, it's kind of disgusting. I wouldn't want to be found that way. You know, sleeping pills are more--"

"Okay, let's not talk about that." He said, nervously stopping her mid-sentence.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, bad experiences, that's all. What do you say we go back downstairs?" Roger was getting more nervous about her sitting on the ledge of the building.

"Yeah, maybe later."

"C'mon, it's cold out here." He started to walk toward her.

"Please, stop." She got off the ledge and started backing up.

"What's wrong with you? Why don't you want me near you? Ever since you got here you've been pushing me away in every way, shape and form. I just want you to come downstairs." He continued to move toward her.

"Look, if you keep getting closer to me I will jump." She continued backing up and looked over the side of the building. "I just have this thing, I can't get close to anyone, physically or mentally, except basically Mark."

"Okay," he put his hands in the air, "I stopped. Now will you come downstairs?"

"Just go, I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

"Fine… whatever." He turned and started toward the stairs.

"…wait…"

He stopped and turned around, "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry…" She went and sat on an air vent toward the middle of the roof. "It's just… people haven't been the nicest to me… and the few who are… well, they don't stick around too often after I open up to them… So I just figure, why do it?" She stared at the ground.

"You know," he walked toward her, she didn't move this time, "not all people are bad…" He stood next to her.

"Yeah," she looked up, "I guess."

"You didn't run."

"No, I didn't… Thanks Captain Obvious." They both laughed.

"So, why not open up to me? I'm not going anywhere… besides, I don't have any money to go anywhere." He sat down next to her, she looked at him and he smiled at her. She was silent. "Still not running… that's a good start."

"I went to homecoming when I was a sophomore in high school." She paused and took a deep breath and continued, "I went with this kid, and I thought he really liked me… but I was wrong once again. No one really liked me in high school, I was just there… Anyway, after homecoming, his brother picked us up, and they took me to this abandoned lot and … well, they…" She started to cry. She buried her head in her hands.

There was a beeping noise. Roger looked for his beeper, but didn't it wasn't there. Leah looked at her watch. "It's me… and that's how I got this." She turned off the alarm on her watch. She sat with her hands on her knees, and face in her hands. Roger put his arm around her and she her whole body tensed up.

"I'm sorry." He started to move his arm.

"No… it's okay." She quickly moved closer to him and put her head on his shoulder.

"Well this is a step forward." He snickered.

She looked up at him and smiled, "Thanks."

"For what?"

"… listening..." She looked down, "…staying…"

"Hey," he squeezed her, "it's not a problem… what time is it?"

"Around eight, why?"

He laughed, "You ready for this?"

"For what?"

"Five, four," he started counting down, Leah pulled away from him.

"What are you doing?"

He put a finger up to her, "Wait, three, two…" Mark burst out of the door to the roof.

"Rog… take your AZT."

Leah and Roger started to laugh.

"What? Your beeper was going off downstairs and it was annoying." They continued laughing. "Whoa, wait a sec, is that Leah? Sitting that close to a guy! Sitting that close to Roger?"

"Yeah," Leah said standing up and walking toward Mark, Roger following. "And this is Leah, flipping you off." And she did as she walked around him to the downstairs door. Roger sarcastically gasped and laughed. He tried to follow her but as he reached Mark's side, Mark stopped him with a hand to his chest.

"You hurt her, I'll kill you." Mark was staring him in the eye, with no hint of anything but seriousness in his eyes.

"You know I'd never do anything like that."

Mark removed his hand and let him pass and Roger left him on the roof alone. Mark burst out in tears, he had been listening to everything she'd said behind the door.


	6. Chapter 5

A few days passed, Mark had not said a word to Leah about what he had heard and things were a little different between them. The biggest conversation they had had since that night had been just small talk. Mark was hardly ever at home and Leah and Roger had no idea where he could be. Leah had taken up Roger's offer of her sleeping in his bed instead of on the couch, only she didn't make Roger sleep on the couch, even though he wanted to.

"I promise I won't take up that much room." She said one night, convincing him to stay; he was on his way out of the room with a pillow and a blanket.

"It's not that… I… it-it's just not right."

"What does that mean?" She knew what it meant but asked anyway.

"I just…"

"Please… I don't want to be alone… It scares me."

"Okay, but just for a couple nights." But it lasted a lot longer than a couple nights.

The first few nights, it was very awkward for the both of them; they slept on the opposite sides of the bed, risking falling off the edge. Yet, as the days passed they got closer and closer and finally Roger was holding her every night, even though he had promised himself he wouldn't. He couldn't, he couldn't lose Mimi... He couldn't love Leah.

One night Roger left Leah quietly and went to the roof. He sat and cried, thinking about Mimi. He couldn't let go, not again, he didn't want to. He loved Mimi and her death hurt him so badly that he believed that he could never love anyone again. And in a sense he didn't want to. He didn't want to get so attached to another person just to be disappointed by losing them, either to death or to another. He couldn't handle it again. He cried, knowing that he was falling for Leah.

When he returned to the loft, he heard whimpering. He rushed to his room to find Leah wrapped in the covers, sitting up, clutching her knees to her chest, shaking.

"What's wrong?" He ran over to her, "Are you okay?"

She didn't say anything; she didn't even look at him.

"Talk to me, Leah. Please." He sat in front of her, with his hands on her shoulders, staring into her eyes. "Leah, please."

"I just… I had… a bad dream." She stuttered.

"About what?"

"Nothing," she shook her head, seeming to shake herself out of the daze she was in.

"Hey, you know you can talk to me."

She started to get back to bed, rolling over pulling the covers almost over her head, trying to ignore Roger. He followed her and lay next to her.

"Please talk to me." He put his head on her shoulder. "You might feel better."

She shook her head.

"Okay…" He stood up, trying not to sound mad, "I'll be… I'll be somewhere."

He almost was out of the room when Leah stopped him. "No… please… Don't leave again… I got scared, you weren't here, and I didn't know where you went… I had this dream… and-and you weren't here… no one was here…"

He just stood there, not facing her.

"I'm sorry," she said. "You can go." She noticed that he was clenching his fists. When she said this he let his hands go.

"No," he turned around. "It's okay, I'll stay." He walked toward her.

"Are you okay?" She asked as he was getting into bed.

"Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind." He lay down next to her.

She sat up, "I'm serious. You're scaring me."

He looked at her. "And you're not scaring me with all your dreams and freak outs?" He sat up. "You won't even tell me what's going on. I just don't know what to do anymore. And you're not even going to try to get help when you're done with your AZT? You're going to die."

"Maybe I want to die; maybe it would be better if I just did die."

This situation was feeling more and more familiar to Roger, and, no, he would not go through this again. "Stop, don't you dare say that. Nothing would be better if you died. Believe me, nothing."

"I don't know anymore." She covered her mouth and coughed, but when she pulled her hand away a look of shock came to her eyes.

"What?" Roger asked trying to see what was in her hand.

"Nothing…" She tried to get up, but Roger grabbed her arm. He turned her hand to see what she was looking at… blood. Even though he knew it was bound to happen, he had been so blind to all the clues. Leah was dying. It had been happening since she came to live with him and Mark. Perhaps he hadn't seen everything happening to her, or maybe he didn't want to. Either way, it was happening. "I'm sorry. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, not at you at least." He got up and left the room, he returned with paper towels. "Here." She wiped the blood of her hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah… I'm fine." She sat on the side of the bed, staring at the floor. Roger sat next to her. They just sat there for a few minutes in silence. "Roger?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going to happen to me?" She looked up at him.

He just looked at her, his face full of pain. He looked down at the floor and closed his eyes, tears flowing from them.

"I'm sorry…" Leah said standing up. "I just don't know what to do anymore… I just don't want to be here." She was standing right in front of him, but he didn't look up at her. "Roger…" He still stared at the ground. "Roger." He looked up at her, eyes red with tears. She just stared into his eyes for a few minutes, not saying a word. Then she bent down and kissed him, and he returned her kiss. At last she pulled away. "Roger?"

"Uh huh?"

"Will you stay with me now? The rest of the night?"

"Promise me, please. Don't leave me."

"I won't. C'mon," He got up and under the covers. "I promise."

"Okay, hold on one sec." She left the room and came back about five minutes later.

"Where'd you go?"

"Nowhere." Leah got under the covers next to him.

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything, don't worry about it." She clenched to his chest, she was shaking.

"Leah, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I'm just scared. I'm okay. You're here. I'll be okay."

And he took this as her final answer. Every once in a while a car outside would pass and make a loud noise, Leah would jump. Roger just softly hushed her and she seemed to fall back to sleep. Roger felt her heart beat race, but thought nothing of it.

"Roger?"

"What Leah?"

"… I love you."

He was silent. "I love you too Leah."

"Good… Roger." He couldn't tell what she had said in between, but he assumed it was 'night'.

"Goodnight, Leah."

But what she had really said was "goodbye". The next morning Roger would wake to find that Leah had left him a note. Apparently the 'nothing' she was doing in the other room was taking forty sleeping pills. Leah had committed suicide. She died on Roger's chest during the night, peacefully in her sleep. The way she wanted to go.

**I realize this ending probably sucks. And I'm sorry. The story got really personal toward the end and I'd rather it end this way.**


End file.
